Monday Mantras for the Harder Weeks

Hey friends! If I'm being totally honest the typical Monday Mantras post feels so counterintuitive to what I'm actually feeling. So I decided to do as I've always promised- keep it real with y'all. One week from yesterday will mark two years since I lost my mom suddenly. The grief, anxiety and heaviness is taking up a lot of space in my mind. I've found that it's always the time leading up to the hard days that seem the hardest. So as yesterday started to slow down I realized there was only 7 days standing between me and a day that marked 730 days without my mom. Even writing that out my chest feels tight and my head is spinning. It's crazy that as I sit here and write this on my IPad (because of course my laptop broke THIS WEEK), I'm sitting next to my roommate who knows all too well what I'm feeling. That three months ago I moved into a house with people who understood my story on a deeper level. That gives my heart hope. I'm usually the type of person who hates seeing the good in the hard or saying that there is hope, but truthfully I can't deny that it's there. I have zero doubt in my mind that that goodness and sense of security is from the Lord. In my moments of feeling weighed down and overwhelmed I like to think of who I am thankful for and the ones that have showed up + walked with me through the two hardest years of my life. 

Monday Mantras are great and I am their biggest fan (seeing at the moment they are kind of the anchor of my blog), but this week I want my mantra to be something more than listening to a playlist (I still made us one though) or a new show to watch. I want it to be the reminder that when life is hard my feelings are so valid. I want to feel okay with not being okay and with having to ask for help. I don't want to feel weak when I need to be taken care of or have someone just sit with me.

And I share this because I know that I'm not the only one who has really heavy stuff going on and I'm not the only one who has really shitty weeks. I think sometimes we need to know that there are other people who get it- I actually I know that we need that because living with people who do has helped me grieve and feel safe. You aren't alone in your shitty week and your not weak for feeling feelings. The latter being something I think I have to remind myself every couple of minutes.

So on feeling on the feelings here's this weeks Monday Mantra:

It's Okay to Not Be Okay

I've heard it, you've heard it and we have seen it written in all types of pretty typography or watercolor and even though that's the case we still forget it. So let me just say it again and then maybe you need to write it down and say it over and over. The truth is none of us are perfect- I know shocker right, but that we are broken and hurting and have pain that runs real deep. So this week let's be reminding ourselves daily or even hourly that we don't have to have it all together and that whatever we are feeling (and I truly mean WHATEVER) is valid.

Let's not feel weak for being in our feels. Let's not be afraid to ask the people around us for what we need.Let's not be afraid to be taken care of. And let's not be afraid to not be okay.

Because for me I know it's in those moments that I feel the most safe and the most loved. It's in those moments that I know the Lord is at work and he is using the people around me to show me grace and to meet me in the midst of it. And P.S if you are having a good week or life feels good this isn't to make you feel guilty or ashamed of that because I also think there is okay and you don't need to change it. I'm embracing that this week is going to be hard and also embracing that tomorrow I might wake up and feel okay only to not feel okay again on Wednesday. Honestly who the heck knows, but I will do my very best as someone who doesn't love to feel things or feels weak when I feel sad, to just be where I am at each day and then let the rest just be.

Thank you for letting me be real and honest.

Selfishly it might of benefitted me more than y'all to write this post, but I hope someone else out there needed to know + hear what I did this morning and will need to all week. My mom was the most incredible human and had wisdom that beyond exceeded her 49 years on this earth. She loved deeply and found joy literally everywhere. She shined so bright and was my very best friend. I know that this week the sadness of no longer having her will feel closer than usually and I'm believing that's valid. Here's to a different kind of Monday mantra and that puppies exist because if my roommates didn't have one this week I would be a heck of lot sadder. 

XO Sum